That Girl Is Me

That girl in the mirror in the bathroom...

The girl who is seemingly laughing at a joke.
Look her in the eyes, and what do you see?
Sadness, anger, lies hidden by a porcelain mask.

That girl walking down the hallway, smiling.
Do you see that slump in her shoulders?
It's ever so slight, barely noticeable, but it's there.

The girl at the lunch table, laughing so hard.
A smile cracking her happy face to pieces.
But do you see that finger tracing her wrist?

That girl who talks about her family
Like they're the jewled devils of her being...
She hides scars on her back from the beatings.
And in her eyes, the scars each have a memory...
Permenantly implanted, stuck and captured.

That girl in the bathroom...That girl in the hall.
That girl at the table having such fun.
The girl who raves and rants praises about her family.

The girl with the sangfroid...The cold bloodedness.
That girl with the gray mixture of tears.
That girl with the scars on her back
And new scars forming from pink to white on her wrists.

That Girl is Me.

Falling Apart

I've kept it hidden,
For so long.
I've pretended
To be okay.

But now its breaking through,
Pushing to the surface.
I'm falling apart.
Not sure how much longer,

This mask will last.
I'm falling apart,
Drowning in pain.
Don't want to live,

But I'm scared to die.
I'm falling apart.

Necrophobia:

Negrophobia is the term used to describe the fear of corpses or dead things in general. Although sometimes used interchangeably, thanatophobia is the term used to describe the fear of one's own death or dying. The onset of this fear usually occurs among those with a predisposition to worry and those with family backgrounds of anxiety. Most likely, sufferers of Negrophobia experienced an intense panic attack at some point in their lives while being exposed to a corpse or a dead thing. As with all phobias, exposure could have also come in a second hand form such as television or radio broadcast. Nonetheless, the wiring of the brain caused the reaction to become a learned behavior. Although irrational, this fear is very real to the sufferer. When they are exposed to the stimulus, a panic attack ensues causing excessive perspiration, dry mouth, and high levels of anxiety, heavy breathing and even immobility. Many necrophobics have trouble sleeping and often experience the urge to run out of their beds at the slightest thought of death. Because of their fear, necrophobics tend to avoid situations where they may come into contact with the stimuli. This can cause an avoidance of family funerals, Treatments consist around the cognitive behavioral therapies common with most phobias such as exposure therapy, flooding and counter-conditioning. Hypnotherapy, neuro-linguistic programming and energy psychology are among the more alternative methods of treatment. Medications include anti-depression and anxiety pills used to treat panic attacks. These are a good short term answer to save one from an embarrassing episode. They are not, however, a good or permanent solution to any phobia.